People often have the impression that being the youngest in the family means being the pampered one, being a spoilt brat.

To me, being youngest, I grew up under watchful eyes and at times, under the shadows of my brother and sister. It was stressful trying to grow up, trying to live up to people's expectations. I even used to think that I had to grow up this way because I am stupid and less academically inclined compared to my siblings.

When we were young, sis always get rewards for her good results and me? I could only stand aside and be envious. Mum will eventually still asked me if I wanna get something too coz she felt that's being fair. But you know, I might be young at that time but I do know, I didn't deserve that thing that was bought for me.

When I did things wrong, mum would say "You're juz like your...*blah* *blah*" When I did badly in school, mum would say "Why aren't you like your sister? How come you are so weak in Maths when your sister is so good at it?" I can never be seen as one individual. I am always being compared down to by sister.
Today, when Im 21 doing my DEGREE, I scored 2 distinctions. Mum said "Uh? Really?" Bro said, "Is your sch passing rate very low?" Is that all they could say? Am I that bad? I work part-time, I juggle with my time working and studying and going thru projects and examinations. No matter how tough school was/is for me, I didn't show it to them coz I wanna prove myself that I do know how to prioritise my things in life and I am capable. I worked hard for my distinctions, I really did. Mum only see the fun I try to seek outside, the little sum of money that I try to earn, did she see the efforts I put in my University today?

I know what I did today was wrong. But many a times, many things, I am always being left out. I never mention coz since young, I am being brought up with the mindset that I haven't seen the outside world yet so I am in no position to comment. But for my own deep hidden feelings, I dun need to see the entire world to say it. Even a 3-year-old kid could do it.

Now I can only face the computer and the keyboard to express myself, to cry.