Saturday, November 13, 2004
Long break for me! yeah! gonna make full use of this 5 days break... not just to enjoy but also to sort out some thoughts & feelings thta has been bothering me for quite abit for the past few days.
Career might be taking abit of a change...i don't know...see how things go. Some things are just like beyond my control and command. If the change really takes place, I really cannot foresee if that change is for the better or worse. I wish for the former of course..but like I said, its not for me to say anymore. Have been in quite a dilemma... perhaps im just not being the decisive me for now.. The society sometimes really is too harsh n too real. Or have i overestimated my own abilities?
Have been taking brochures, requesting for brochures and surfing through the internet for degree courses; seeking advice from fellow colleagues and my dearest sis.. I feel the urge to return to school and be a full-time student once again. I know what I wanna study..as excited as I may be, I know it may or may not come true as yet. Even if it happens, its gonna be a tough fact. Perhaps I shld just stop for now. I know very well that at the end of the day, its always the financial part that will hinder me. I felt rather bad telling my sis what i said that day. Guess I said it coz I felt rather helpless. I actually said..why is it that when it comes to my turn, i can't pursue a degree for myself as easily as my bro n herself. Why do I have to burden myself so heavily with the course fees? Don't seem quite fair. Thou initially I told myself, I'll see myself through university; yes..its always easier said than done. But i regretted saying that to my sis. Im sorry. Shan't bring it up again. She suggested to pay part of my fees ...I don't want that. She has her own future plans too.
I will continue working doubly hard. As the saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." I will not and have not anyway, complained no matter how tired i am holding 2 jobs. People do ask me, but my answer remain: I can manage.
